How to Write Your Own Wedding Vows: A Step-by-Step Guide

Personal vows are the moment your guests lean in. They're also, for most couples, the most intimidating piece of writing they'll ever do. The good news: you don't need to be a poet. You just need a clear structure and the courage to say what's true. Here's the approach I walk every couple through.

Step 1 — Agree the shape with your partner

Before you write a single word, agree on two things together: roughly how long your vows will be (90 seconds to 2 minutes each is the sweet spot — around 200 to 300 words), and the overall tone. Funny and warm? Romantic and earnest? Quietly emotional? Your vows don't need to match word for word, but they should feel like they belong to the same ceremony.

Step 2 — Gather the raw material

Open a notes app and answer these prompts without editing:

• When did I first know? • What do I love most about them — not the obvious things, the small ones? • What have we already been through together? • What do I promise them, in the everyday? • What do I promise them when life is hard? • What kind of life do I want to build with them?

Don't worry about wording yet. You're collecting truth, not polishing it.

Step 3 — Use a simple template

A vow that lands almost always follows this shape:

1. An opening line that names them and says what they are to you. ('Sam, you are the person I want to come home to.')

2. Two or three specific things you love. Specifics beat adjectives every time. Not 'you're kind' — 'you make tea without being asked when you can tell I've had a hard day.'

3. The promises. Three to five, mixing everyday and lifelong. ('I promise to laugh with you. I promise to listen even when I'd rather be right. I promise to keep choosing you.')

4. A closing line. Short. The line you want to be the last thing they hear before they kiss you.

Step 4 — Edit ruthlessly, read aloud

Cut every word that doesn't earn its place. Then read your vows out loud — slowly, with breath. If a sentence trips you when you're calm at the kitchen table, it will trip you twice as hard at the altar. Rewrite until every line feels speakable.

Step 5 — Print them and bring them

Print your vows on a single card or in a small vow book — never read from a phone. The phone breaks the moment, dies, locks, or just looks wrong in your wedding photos. Bring a copy for your celebrant too, as a backup.

A few things to avoid

• Inside jokes that no one else understands — your guests want to be let into the moment, not shut out of it.

• Promising things you can't keep ('I'll never disappoint you'). The strongest vows are the honest ones.

• Leaving it to the night before. Draft three weeks out, edit a week out, print the day before.

If you're feeling stuck

Every couple I work with gets vow prompts and gentle feedback if they want it. There is no 'right' way — only your way. Your partner doesn't need a perfect speech. They need to hear, in your own voice, why it's them.